I've been contemplating the Earth and her incredible and delicate power. It is springtime here and when I took the kids for a nature walk as part of school last week, we were marveling at violets, magnolia blossoms and tender shoots coming from the ground.
Then, yesterday, the earthquake in Japan. The earth shifts, moves, and half the world is in peril. Powerful almost beyond belief. When an earthquake hits all equilibrium vanshes and the very ground we stand on rolls and jerks. The steadiest thing we know moves islands, creates mountains, and sends waves crashing on distant shores.
A favorite poet of mine, Wendell Barry says in one of his poems "What I stand on, I stand for" I stand for the earth, attempt to protect her and love her as a Mother. I also see her now as Kali, the destroyer, who can unleash her wrath at will. A twitch and her children are destroyed. How to reconcile the two? The one?
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Sunday, March 6, 2011
I have been surrounded by cats today. They have kept me and themselves warm cuddling in and giving me dirty looks whenever I get up. Apparently, they think they have a say so in things. My big black and white kitty, Ricky, just had his teeth cleaned and two pulled on Friday. He is sticking close in case Virgil gets any other bad ideas.
The orange and white tabby is being very lazy. She just yawned and turned over. Her name is Pukuk (two short u sounds.) This name is from my husbands' time in Alaska as a child and it means "always getting into something, mischief maker." I think she knows what her name means and strives to live up to it. She is always testing gravity to make sure it still works, and has an almost freakish ability to find a ball of yarn and scatter it all over the house. Most of this is done while we sleep.
She is also the one who climbs to the top of the bird cage to watch our parakeets. She knows she can't get to them and so do they, but she manages to jump up, spill their water, and generally cause a ruckus. She is blase about it, but I can tell she loves shaking everything up. That's it for a Sunday Post.
The orange and white tabby is being very lazy. She just yawned and turned over. Her name is Pukuk (two short u sounds.) This name is from my husbands' time in Alaska as a child and it means "always getting into something, mischief maker." I think she knows what her name means and strives to live up to it. She is always testing gravity to make sure it still works, and has an almost freakish ability to find a ball of yarn and scatter it all over the house. Most of this is done while we sleep.
She is also the one who climbs to the top of the bird cage to watch our parakeets. She knows she can't get to them and so do they, but she manages to jump up, spill their water, and generally cause a ruckus. She is blase about it, but I can tell she loves shaking everything up. That's it for a Sunday Post.
Friday, March 4, 2011
We spent a wonderful day exploring a breeding compound for exotic and rare cats. Watching the powerful leopards, snow leopards, black leopards, bobcats, etc. was mesmerizing. The kids were excited, but soon learned that their enthusiasm would scare the cats into their hiding places. So they became quiet and observant. We had a great tour guide who gave us facts about each cat, and educated us all about their habitats and rarity in the wild. This is one of the many things I love about homeschooling. Kids get to learn what interests them, and ask all the questions they want. Our guide was surprised at the good questions.
The cages are relatively small, so we saw many nearly face to face. There were several of them that I could sit and watch all day, namely the snow leopards and the black leopard. Their power, their utter relaxation, their "sawing" which are vocalizations they make that sound like handsaws going through wood, and their huge, soft paws fascinated me. Many zoos are unsettling to me, but for some reason this wasn't. Maybe it was because the cats looked content. They lounged, yawned, and enthusiastically ate the chicken that was given to them at feeding time.
Barry Lopez on said "if you see a lion in a zoo, you have not seen a lion." In general, I agree with him, but today seemed to dispel some of that. These were wild, alive animals who showed their strength and power.
The cages are relatively small, so we saw many nearly face to face. There were several of them that I could sit and watch all day, namely the snow leopards and the black leopard. Their power, their utter relaxation, their "sawing" which are vocalizations they make that sound like handsaws going through wood, and their huge, soft paws fascinated me. Many zoos are unsettling to me, but for some reason this wasn't. Maybe it was because the cats looked content. They lounged, yawned, and enthusiastically ate the chicken that was given to them at feeding time.
Barry Lopez on said "if you see a lion in a zoo, you have not seen a lion." In general, I agree with him, but today seemed to dispel some of that. These were wild, alive animals who showed their strength and power.
Friday, February 25, 2011
2010 was a difficult year for me. Building my private therapy practice was work, but work done in joy. Being with my BFF in a practice is a dream come true!
However, Isaiah's grandmother died last June after a respiratory struggle for over a year. Isaiah was devastated, and when our chilren hurt, we hurt. We became closer attending a grief group, and having long talks about what happens when you die. I had become her friend over the last year or two, and we miss having her here on holidays. Did I mention she was my age? Yea, that threw me for a loop.
My favorite Aunt Dorothy died later in the summer, she saved my life when I was a teenager, showing me part of the world and a way of life I would never have seen otherwise. I was sad, and yet her memorial helped me reconnect with cousins I like but had lost touch with.
The year culminated with my mothers death on Thanksgiving. I am grateful it was quick. The things that unleased I will cover in a later post.
However, Isaiah's grandmother died last June after a respiratory struggle for over a year. Isaiah was devastated, and when our chilren hurt, we hurt. We became closer attending a grief group, and having long talks about what happens when you die. I had become her friend over the last year or two, and we miss having her here on holidays. Did I mention she was my age? Yea, that threw me for a loop.
My favorite Aunt Dorothy died later in the summer, she saved my life when I was a teenager, showing me part of the world and a way of life I would never have seen otherwise. I was sad, and yet her memorial helped me reconnect with cousins I like but had lost touch with.
The year culminated with my mothers death on Thanksgiving. I am grateful it was quick. The things that unleased I will cover in a later post.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
I didn't realize how long it has been since I posted. My private therapy practice is blooming, and you can see my website at http://www.lgavin-cruse.com/ I am taking new clients!
I will post over the weekend!
I will post over the weekend!
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Father's Day is a day I always miss Dad. He died in 2003, and it still has the power bring me to tears. I tried to spend a little time alone this morning, but within 10 minutes Isaiah had come out twice, Annalisa had knocked on her window twice, and all ability to enjoy some time alone was gone. I probably did the same thing to him when I was little.
Otherwise, I am trying to get myself centered to facilitate the retreat for Vets of Iran and Afghanistan beginning Wednesday. I have to work both Monday and Tuesday, so Wednesday morning will be for packing and beginning the journey. I am looking forward to getting there.
I am sad that I will not be with Isaiah at his grandmother's funeral. I know Virgil will take care of him, but I want to be there holding him. I have been with him through all his life at every major event. I can call him, but it is just not the same.
Otherwise, I am trying to get myself centered to facilitate the retreat for Vets of Iran and Afghanistan beginning Wednesday. I have to work both Monday and Tuesday, so Wednesday morning will be for packing and beginning the journey. I am looking forward to getting there.
I am sad that I will not be with Isaiah at his grandmother's funeral. I know Virgil will take care of him, but I want to be there holding him. I have been with him through all his life at every major event. I can call him, but it is just not the same.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
What a few days. Carolyn Cruse, Isaiah's grandmother, my husband's ex, and my friend, died Monday morning at 6:30 a.m. Candace called us in a panic, paramedics had just arrived and although she hoped not, she knew her Mom was dead.
Carolyn, Virgil and I raised Isaiah together for many years. It was a long, painful, and litigeous road, but in the end, we werre friends and truly cared about one another. Last summer she spent most of the time in a and out of the hospital with respiratory problems, dying and being resuscitated several times. We spoke of a dream she had in which she visited all her children, and being assured that they would be ok, was ready to die, and then saw Isaiah in the path blocking her way. He said he wasn't ready for her to go. So she stayed. She said that she felt incredible love and a sense of well being, and after the dream she was not afraid of death.
So she soldiered on, and we became friends. I would call her, we discussed how frightening it was to rely on a tube for breathing, and she asked to speak to me when her most recent MD told her she would never be able to take it. I'd take the kids over, and we would smile and laugh at them. Isaiah worried about her. I was alone with him when I told him she had died. He wailed and sobbed and I just held him. He told me he felt like all the happiness had gone out of his life, and everything was sad. I just held him - a boy who has lost so much already.
As the relatives began to arrive, I just made myself useful. Made a pasta chicken salad the first day so there was something to eat, chilled it, water, soda. I asked what people needed and kept busy. On one occasion today, I felt her laughing down at the chaos.
Now I feel overwhelmed. Too many people, too much dysfunction, too much noise. I need to work tomorrow, do a retreat next week, get charged for it all. Too many energy vampires. Isaiah knows he can rely on me, I told him if he needed time away,he could ask. Right now everyone is at his grandma's house and he is feeling like his home has been invaded. The loss will sink in when everyone is gone, and he and his Mom are alone there. I will be there for him.
Carolyn, Virgil and I raised Isaiah together for many years. It was a long, painful, and litigeous road, but in the end, we werre friends and truly cared about one another. Last summer she spent most of the time in a and out of the hospital with respiratory problems, dying and being resuscitated several times. We spoke of a dream she had in which she visited all her children, and being assured that they would be ok, was ready to die, and then saw Isaiah in the path blocking her way. He said he wasn't ready for her to go. So she stayed. She said that she felt incredible love and a sense of well being, and after the dream she was not afraid of death.
So she soldiered on, and we became friends. I would call her, we discussed how frightening it was to rely on a tube for breathing, and she asked to speak to me when her most recent MD told her she would never be able to take it. I'd take the kids over, and we would smile and laugh at them. Isaiah worried about her. I was alone with him when I told him she had died. He wailed and sobbed and I just held him. He told me he felt like all the happiness had gone out of his life, and everything was sad. I just held him - a boy who has lost so much already.
As the relatives began to arrive, I just made myself useful. Made a pasta chicken salad the first day so there was something to eat, chilled it, water, soda. I asked what people needed and kept busy. On one occasion today, I felt her laughing down at the chaos.
Now I feel overwhelmed. Too many people, too much dysfunction, too much noise. I need to work tomorrow, do a retreat next week, get charged for it all. Too many energy vampires. Isaiah knows he can rely on me, I told him if he needed time away,he could ask. Right now everyone is at his grandma's house and he is feeling like his home has been invaded. The loss will sink in when everyone is gone, and he and his Mom are alone there. I will be there for him.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Subscribe To
Posts
All Comments
