Of events in my life

2010 was a difficult year for me.  Building my private therapy practice was work, but work done in joy.  Being with my BFF in a practice is a dream come true! 
However, Isaiah's grandmother died last June after a respiratory struggle for over a year.  Isaiah was devastated, and when our chilren hurt, we hurt.  We became closer attending a grief group, and having long talks about what happens when you die.  I had become her friend over the last year or two, and we miss having her here on holidays.  Did I mention she was my age?  Yea, that threw me for a loop. 

My favorite Aunt Dorothy died later in the summer, she saved my life when I was a teenager, showing me part of the world and a way of life I would never have seen otherwise.  I was sad, and yet her memorial helped me reconnect with cousins I like but had lost touch with.

The year culminated with my mothers death on Thanksgiving.  I am grateful it was quick. The things that unleased I will cover in a later post. 

Wow, it has been too long!

I didn't realize how long it has been since I posted.   My private therapy practice is blooming, and you can see my website at http://www.lgavin-cruse.com/ I am taking new clients! 

I will post over the weekend!

Missing Dad

Father's Day is a day I always miss Dad.  He died in 2003, and it still has the power bring me to tears.  I tried to spend a little time alone this morning, but within 10 minutes Isaiah had come out twice, Annalisa had knocked on her window twice, and all ability to enjoy some time alone was gone.  I probably did the same thing to him when I was little.

Otherwise, I am trying to get myself centered to facilitate the retreat for Vets of Iran and Afghanistan beginning Wednesday.  I have to work both Monday and Tuesday, so Wednesday morning will be for packing and beginning the journey.  I am looking forward to getting there. 

I am sad that I will not be with Isaiah at his grandmother's funeral.  I know Virgil will take care of him, but I want to be there holding him.   I have been with him through all his life at every major event.  I can call him, but it is just not the same. 

Death in the Family

What a few days.  Carolyn Cruse, Isaiah's grandmother, my husband's ex, and  my friend, died Monday morning at 6:30 a.m.  Candace called us in a panic, paramedics had just arrived and although she hoped not, she knew her Mom was dead.  

Carolyn, Virgil and I raised Isaiah together for many years.  It was a long, painful, and litigeous road, but in the end, we werre friends and truly cared about one another.  Last summer she spent most of the time in a and out of the hospital with respiratory problems, dying and being resuscitated several times.  We spoke of a dream she had in which she visited all her children, and being assured that they would be ok, was ready to die, and then saw Isaiah in the path blocking her way.  He said he wasn't ready for her to go.  So she stayed.  She said that she felt incredible love and a sense of well being, and after the dream she was not afraid of death. 

So she soldiered on, and we became friends.  I would call her, we discussed how frightening it was to rely on a tube for breathing, and she asked to speak to me when her most recent MD told her she would never be able to take it.  I'd take the kids over, and we would smile and laugh at them.    Isaiah worried about her.  I was alone with him when I told him she had died.   He wailed and sobbed and I just held him.  He told me he felt like all the happiness had gone out of his life, and everything was sad.  I just held him - a boy who has lost so much already. 

As the relatives began to arrive, I just made myself useful.  Made a pasta chicken salad the first day so there was something to eat, chilled it, water, soda.  I asked what  people needed and kept busy.   On one occasion today, I felt her laughing down at the chaos. 

Now I feel overwhelmed.  Too many people, too much dysfunction, too much noise.  I need to work tomorrow, do a retreat next week, get charged for it all.  Too many energy vampires.  Isaiah knows he can rely on me, I told him if he needed time away,he could ask.  Right now everyone is at his grandma's house and he is feeling like his home has been invaded.  The loss will sink in when everyone is gone, and he and his Mom are alone there.  I will be there for him.

Veterans

I will be leaving for the Coming Home Project retreat that I am co-facilitating on June 22nd.  Yesterday we had a phone conference with all the facilitators.  I am so strongly drawn to this work, for some reason.  We will be leading a 5 day retreat with veterans, some still in the military, and spouses and children.  It is designed to help them reintegrate into society - and develop some relaxation and coping skills.  Leaders are therapists, other vets, spouses.  Some are Vietnam vets that have done some healing and want to help others. 

I am confident in my group skills. I have done almost as much group as I have individuals.  I am eagert to get there, meet the others, and get rolling.  One of the perks is that we are encouraged to use our coping skills frequently.  They offer meditation, QI Gong, and often Yoga.  I don't get to do any of this as often as I would like, so it provides somewhat of a retreat for me too.  Plus being around others who believe in the way I do - that we are multifaceted human beings and we need to be healed body, mind and soul. 

I have mentioned the hawks that come every spring to nest, and then head up to the mountains for the summer.  Now we have either falcons or Kestrals or some other bird of prey that frequently sit in the pine tree in our front yard.  They are noisy little things!  My attention is drawn to them because it has been in the 90's and I've been in the pool for the last few days, and I can see the tip of the tree from there. 

The dogs are delighted.  We have gotten their pool out so that they can wade and drink.  Spenser spent yesterday playing in it.  Conner, our Lab, might wade in it once in a while but he is the only water dog in history who does not like water!  He disappears when the hose comes out.  Good thing his is such a sweetie. 

I haven't spoken of the death of Coach John Wooden here.  I became familiar with Coach when I married Virgil, and have admired him since.  I've read his books and especially like the book "Wooden On Leadership"  his pyramid is a map for life.  If I could follow it completely, I would be a better person.  I have done management trainings based on it, and it was always well received.  His incredible love for the men he was coaching was transcendent.  Thank you coach, for all you gave the world.  Relax, and enjoy being back with Nell.

Zentangles

Another art form that I practise is Zentangle.  The Zentangle® art form and method was created by Rick Roberts and Maria Thomas. Zentangle® is a registered trademark of Zentangle, Inc.  

This technique is relaxing, and easy.  It is composed of deliberate designs drawn by pen and ink, usually on watercolor paper.  It is meditative as it requires concentration and following patterns.  It's creative, because the assemblage of the patterns has almost endless possibilities.   Surfaces upon which  to place zentangles are also endless.  Right now I am working on a pair of tennis shoes.  I aspire to create wall murals.  I will post photos of my own work soon, but for now, enjoy the slideshow of other's works.